With all of the turmoil going on these days, I decided to make a day all about pictures of objects (not people) that have a special meaning to me. I may say what that meaning is, I may not. I'll sometimes ask for an opinion or elaboration on the object, but most likely I will not.
My first Meaningful Monday pic:
*click here*
No 'splainin needed ; )
Monday, October 12, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
The little things
As the saying goes, its the little things in life that matter the most. When things start to get too thick, it's easy to lose sight of this. In times of high stress I tend to turn inward. Shutting everything and everybody out. When your a mother this is where things tend to get sticky. Where do you find the balance between taking care of yourself and taking care of your children? They tend to be all consuming when it comes to your time.
I will be the first to admit that lately I've been lacking in the "mother of the year" category. My patience is worn, temper is quick and moods are all over the place. It doesn't make for a very consistent environment, and that can be disastrous when going through a divorce with children.
I've found that every now and then, I need a reminder that it's the little things that count.
The other night I was trying to get my two girls to sleep but my 18 month old was having non of it. I had her on one side of me acting like a monkey that just downed a Red Bull and my 4 year old on the other side of me being quiet for a change. After I got the baby to finally settle down, all was peaceful again but I was still agitated.
Then my older daughter reached over and lightly put her hand on my arm. I said "I love you baby". She responded by saying "I love you. I love you and daddy both".
Oh to be put in your place by a 4 year old. It's something that everybody should experience at least once in their lifetime. When she did this, it said many things to me all at the same time. Foremost is that she knows her world is changing and the two most important people in her life don't like each other very much right now. Next, she wanted me to know of her love for the both of us and she was giving me comfort with her little hand. Then the realization came that I have to snap out of it. This is bigger than me, bigger than him. The fate of these three angels could forever be changed if we don't do this right. I say we, but I can only control my own actions during this ordeal.
Her touch and those few words were the kick in the pants that I needed to readjust my perspective and put my focus back where it belongs. Not on all that is wrong, but all that is right. It really, truly is the little things in life that matter the most.
I will be the first to admit that lately I've been lacking in the "mother of the year" category. My patience is worn, temper is quick and moods are all over the place. It doesn't make for a very consistent environment, and that can be disastrous when going through a divorce with children.
I've found that every now and then, I need a reminder that it's the little things that count.
The other night I was trying to get my two girls to sleep but my 18 month old was having non of it. I had her on one side of me acting like a monkey that just downed a Red Bull and my 4 year old on the other side of me being quiet for a change. After I got the baby to finally settle down, all was peaceful again but I was still agitated.
Then my older daughter reached over and lightly put her hand on my arm. I said "I love you baby". She responded by saying "I love you. I love you and daddy both".
Oh to be put in your place by a 4 year old. It's something that everybody should experience at least once in their lifetime. When she did this, it said many things to me all at the same time. Foremost is that she knows her world is changing and the two most important people in her life don't like each other very much right now. Next, she wanted me to know of her love for the both of us and she was giving me comfort with her little hand. Then the realization came that I have to snap out of it. This is bigger than me, bigger than him. The fate of these three angels could forever be changed if we don't do this right. I say we, but I can only control my own actions during this ordeal.
Her touch and those few words were the kick in the pants that I needed to readjust my perspective and put my focus back where it belongs. Not on all that is wrong, but all that is right. It really, truly is the little things in life that matter the most.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Lost and Found
Sarcasm was my super power
It had come to me so naturally
There to help soften the blow
whenever a laugh was in need
Lately the humor has faded
turning to resignation instead
I can't find anything funny in
continuously being defeated
One thing after another comes
to knock me down a peg or two
It's hard to see the lighter side
with such a sober point of view
Can I find it possible to laugh
in the face of such adversity
I'm still headstrong after all
wanting to stick it to the enemy
So when something comes along
to jump up and bite you in the rear
Take things one day at a time
whether it's with a smile or sneer
And when it gets too difficult,
the comical remaining unseen
Smile for the fun of it so people
will think that your up to something
It had come to me so naturally
There to help soften the blow
whenever a laugh was in need
Lately the humor has faded
turning to resignation instead
I can't find anything funny in
continuously being defeated
One thing after another comes
to knock me down a peg or two
It's hard to see the lighter side
with such a sober point of view
Can I find it possible to laugh
in the face of such adversity
I'm still headstrong after all
wanting to stick it to the enemy
So when something comes along
to jump up and bite you in the rear
Take things one day at a time
whether it's with a smile or sneer
And when it gets too difficult,
the comical remaining unseen
Smile for the fun of it so people
will think that your up to something
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The gift
Ok Universe. I am listening. You have my full, undivided attention. It may have taken a while, but you have it now.
I believe it was no mere coincidence that when I was done writing my last post, I got a knock on my door.
I have an old school approach to this blogging thing. I like to write, so I commit my thoughts to paper before I pound it out on the keyboard. So not long after I wrote about a woman's worth, I went to answer the door.
It was my friendly neighborhood mailman with a certified letter for yours truly. The kind of certified mail that requires not one but two signatures on two different pieces of paper. I have been served. My divorce papers have come.
Being we still live in the same house, you would have thought he could have mentioned something about filing. Maybe in passing? Nope, nothing. For financial reasons we have been staying in the same house, not for too much longer though, and talked about doing the actual paperwork for the divorce when we were a little more financially stable after the move. This arrangement makes for some tense moments but we still have three children we are raising together.
Reading over my freedom, I mean divorce papers, I come to the signature part. I see his familiar chicken scratch and then I see where he dated it. The 22nd of September. The day after my birthday.
After all this is said and done and an agreement has been reached with the children, I will be thanking him for my birthday gift. It was exactly what I wanted.
What follows is something that was inspired by the quote in my previous post. Short and sweet, to the point. Kind of like the divorce papers.
Unhappy alone or unhappy with someone
doesn't really apply to me anymore
I've been handed my walking papers
watch me dance, not walk out the door
I believe it was no mere coincidence that when I was done writing my last post, I got a knock on my door.
I have an old school approach to this blogging thing. I like to write, so I commit my thoughts to paper before I pound it out on the keyboard. So not long after I wrote about a woman's worth, I went to answer the door.
It was my friendly neighborhood mailman with a certified letter for yours truly. The kind of certified mail that requires not one but two signatures on two different pieces of paper. I have been served. My divorce papers have come.
Being we still live in the same house, you would have thought he could have mentioned something about filing. Maybe in passing? Nope, nothing. For financial reasons we have been staying in the same house, not for too much longer though, and talked about doing the actual paperwork for the divorce when we were a little more financially stable after the move. This arrangement makes for some tense moments but we still have three children we are raising together.
Reading over my freedom, I mean divorce papers, I come to the signature part. I see his familiar chicken scratch and then I see where he dated it. The 22nd of September. The day after my birthday.
After all this is said and done and an agreement has been reached with the children, I will be thanking him for my birthday gift. It was exactly what I wanted.
What follows is something that was inspired by the quote in my previous post. Short and sweet, to the point. Kind of like the divorce papers.
Unhappy alone or unhappy with someone
doesn't really apply to me anymore
I've been handed my walking papers
watch me dance, not walk out the door
Saturday, October 3, 2009
A Womans Worth
At an event this past Summer, a momentary exchange caught my attention and struck a chord.
A beautiful woman, I mean gorgeous, had her child at a big dance recital. I was there for the same reason, out daughters attend the same dance studio, different classes. I've never spoken with her, just noticed her in passing the way we all notice what we find attractive.
There was a big crowd attending this recital, it was a special one at our local county fair. If you've never had a daughter in a class that puts on recitals let me tell you, it's not for the weak. All the costume changes, the little girl drama, the inevitable "something" going wrong...eh, I need a drink just thinking about it.
The woman was there with her little girl, her very young son, and a guy I had never seen before.
What I witnessed was a brief conversation between her and this guy. By brief, I mean less than 45 seconds, but it was enough.
Apparently this guy is the father of her children, and he didn't take too kindly to being stuck alone with the baby while she was rushing around trying to get their daughter on stage and if she was lucky, maybe get to see her little girl in all her public glory.
What made me notice in the first place was his attitude. He gets up from the benches where he sat in the audience , quickly pushing the stroller. The woman notices him and stops watching the girls from the side of the stage and follows him. That's another thing with having your child in a dance recital, the mom's don't get to sit.
The guy walks to a point just past me when she catches up. She asked him what was wrong and his response, with attitude, was that he wasn't going to just sit in the audience all by himself. I guess the baby he was pushing was a non entity to him. As they walked off I heard her explaining to him, very calmly, all that she had to do with their daughter. Whenever I saw him around that day, you could clearly tell he was annoyed to be there.
The first thing I thought when I heard him talk to her like that was, this guy felt put out by having to be a parent. The next thing I thought was, what was this beautiful woman doing with that scrawny, unattractive guy who obviously didn't appreciate her?
Now, I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what I witnessed was a very small exchange between a couple.
However, with this guy's attitude and being I had never seen him at practice or any other recital, I think my first impression was true and this parenting thing is just not for him. What she sees in him, I don't know. Like I said, he is a small, selfish man who is not very attractive. She could literally be in magazines, is a good mom, and a nice person. I really wanted to go up to her and ask "you're beautiful, what are you doing with that guy"? I didn't think it would go over too well so I said nothing.
It got me thinking about women and what we see when we look in the mirror. Do the majority of us know what we are worth? Why do women allow themselves to settle when it comes to love?
I can tell you, when I got married I believed I loved him, but what made me choose him was that he was a good worker and he didn't drink. Those were the only things I thought I needed to make my relationship last forever. Look where I'm at now, what would have happened if I didn't settle? I have my children, that alone made it worth it, but I deserve better.
Us woman settle because we start to believe what we are told. We buy what others selling because all of the advertisements say we should.
So few of us are told as little girls that second best (or 3rd, 4th) is not good enough. That just because there are some fun moments, Mr. Right he is not. Like the lovely Marilyn Monroe once said "I'd rather be unhappy and alone, than unhappy with someone." You need to be with the one who leaves no doubt in your mind. The one who makes you feel so damn good, your momma cries out. Yeah, I went there.
If you're with an unappreciative guy that caught a girl that he doesn't deserve, It should only be a matter of time before you ask yourself what everybody else does and leave him behind.
If a guy says he would like some "time"and "space", give it to him. He may be surprised though when the vacancy is filled in his absence.
If, like I was, you are with someone who wishes to control your every thought, a better way of life begins with just one step. Take it and watch the restraints fall away.
All little girls grow up wanting
someone to treat them special
wishing to be cherished
like throwing pennies in a well
Its not a fairytale
but a lie that is told
Prince Charming never comes
only cold reality grabs hold
To my beautiful little girls
that old farce I will never say
Depend only on yourself, for
there's no one to take you away
No longer do I believe
in tales that have misled
I may not be cherished
but I will be respected
A beautiful woman, I mean gorgeous, had her child at a big dance recital. I was there for the same reason, out daughters attend the same dance studio, different classes. I've never spoken with her, just noticed her in passing the way we all notice what we find attractive.
There was a big crowd attending this recital, it was a special one at our local county fair. If you've never had a daughter in a class that puts on recitals let me tell you, it's not for the weak. All the costume changes, the little girl drama, the inevitable "something" going wrong...eh, I need a drink just thinking about it.
The woman was there with her little girl, her very young son, and a guy I had never seen before.
What I witnessed was a brief conversation between her and this guy. By brief, I mean less than 45 seconds, but it was enough.
Apparently this guy is the father of her children, and he didn't take too kindly to being stuck alone with the baby while she was rushing around trying to get their daughter on stage and if she was lucky, maybe get to see her little girl in all her public glory.
What made me notice in the first place was his attitude. He gets up from the benches where he sat in the audience , quickly pushing the stroller. The woman notices him and stops watching the girls from the side of the stage and follows him. That's another thing with having your child in a dance recital, the mom's don't get to sit.
The guy walks to a point just past me when she catches up. She asked him what was wrong and his response, with attitude, was that he wasn't going to just sit in the audience all by himself. I guess the baby he was pushing was a non entity to him. As they walked off I heard her explaining to him, very calmly, all that she had to do with their daughter. Whenever I saw him around that day, you could clearly tell he was annoyed to be there.
The first thing I thought when I heard him talk to her like that was, this guy felt put out by having to be a parent. The next thing I thought was, what was this beautiful woman doing with that scrawny, unattractive guy who obviously didn't appreciate her?
Now, I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and what I witnessed was a very small exchange between a couple.
However, with this guy's attitude and being I had never seen him at practice or any other recital, I think my first impression was true and this parenting thing is just not for him. What she sees in him, I don't know. Like I said, he is a small, selfish man who is not very attractive. She could literally be in magazines, is a good mom, and a nice person. I really wanted to go up to her and ask "you're beautiful, what are you doing with that guy"? I didn't think it would go over too well so I said nothing.
It got me thinking about women and what we see when we look in the mirror. Do the majority of us know what we are worth? Why do women allow themselves to settle when it comes to love?
I can tell you, when I got married I believed I loved him, but what made me choose him was that he was a good worker and he didn't drink. Those were the only things I thought I needed to make my relationship last forever. Look where I'm at now, what would have happened if I didn't settle? I have my children, that alone made it worth it, but I deserve better.
Us woman settle because we start to believe what we are told. We buy what others selling because all of the advertisements say we should.
So few of us are told as little girls that second best (or 3rd, 4th) is not good enough. That just because there are some fun moments, Mr. Right he is not. Like the lovely Marilyn Monroe once said "I'd rather be unhappy and alone, than unhappy with someone." You need to be with the one who leaves no doubt in your mind. The one who makes you feel so damn good, your momma cries out. Yeah, I went there.
If you're with an unappreciative guy that caught a girl that he doesn't deserve, It should only be a matter of time before you ask yourself what everybody else does and leave him behind.
If a guy says he would like some "time"and "space", give it to him. He may be surprised though when the vacancy is filled in his absence.
If, like I was, you are with someone who wishes to control your every thought, a better way of life begins with just one step. Take it and watch the restraints fall away.
All little girls grow up wanting
someone to treat them special
wishing to be cherished
like throwing pennies in a well
Its not a fairytale
but a lie that is told
Prince Charming never comes
only cold reality grabs hold
To my beautiful little girls
that old farce I will never say
Depend only on yourself, for
there's no one to take you away
No longer do I believe
in tales that have misled
I may not be cherished
but I will be respected
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Just because
From the Associated Press:
PASADENA, Texas - Authorities say a Houston-area woman who was burned up at her former common-law husband fried their pet goldfish and ate some of them.
PASADENA, Texas - Authorities say a Houston-area woman who was burned up at her former common-law husband fried their pet goldfish and ate some of them.
Pasadena police say it's a civil matter and no charges will be filed. The seven goldfish were purchased together by the couple during happier times.
Police spokesman Vance Mitchell says the man reported on Saturday that the woman took the goldfish from his apartment.
Mitchell says the two argued earlier about some jewelry the man had given her but took back. She wanted the jewelry returned.Officers who were dispatched to the woman's home arrived to find four fried goldfish on a plate. The woman said she already ate the other three.
.....my kinda girl ; )
The Enemy Within
When is it I can stop being
my very own worst enemy
it's war I declare on myself
when I only want to be free
How do you defend when the
attacker comes from within
run for cover or turn and fight
no matter which you can't win
Calling out the assailant
I yell and point my finger
but only mocking rage from
the one who's in the mirror
To be up against the one who
does the most damage of all
nobodies to blame but yourself
when you cause your own fall
Longing to call a truce since
all the things I want to be
look so damn impossible when
I'm my own worst enemy
my very own worst enemy
it's war I declare on myself
when I only want to be free
How do you defend when the
attacker comes from within
run for cover or turn and fight
no matter which you can't win
Calling out the assailant
I yell and point my finger
but only mocking rage from
the one who's in the mirror
To be up against the one who
does the most damage of all
nobodies to blame but yourself
when you cause your own fall
Longing to call a truce since
all the things I want to be
look so damn impossible when
I'm my own worst enemy
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