A Season of Change

One person can experience many changes throughout their lifetime. Some of them are subtle. Some are earth shattering, soul shaking and mind bending. One thing that I have learned this past summer is that one change in your life can get the ball rolling for many more.

Going through a long time in coming divorce has set in motion a change of not only who I am, but how I look at the world around me. Closing that chapter in my life has allowed me to open the door, or rather, open my eyes to all the possibilities that surround me.

Divorce sucks. Plain and simple. Especially when children are involved. It's never easy, but when something isn't right for you, it's a painful journey you must take. For me it won't be easy, but it will be better. This experience has forced (yes, forced) me to be self reflective, taking a long hard look at who and what I am.

Before, asking for help never came easily for me. In fact, I'd rather have done many other things, like eat glass, than ask for help. Now however, I ring the alarm and ask with no-shame-in-my-game for assistance. To my surprise I actually get what I ask for from many.

Before, I had an "ostrich with it's head in the sand" approach when it came to problems. Choosing not to deal with anything or letting others make the decisions for me. Now that I've put my big girl panties on and have claimed my life as my own, I face issues head on. Ready to deal with what ever comes my way. No matter how much I don't like it.

Going back further, this experience has made me take a look at how I became who I am today. Examining the childhood that formed the woman writing this. How the mistakes of others had a lasting emotional effect, carrying into present day decisions. More on that some other time though.

I re-introduce myself as a changed woman. Mother of three. Aspiring writer. Soon to be divorcee. Operator of my very own crazy train.

Buried for some time
under another's will
slowly wilting away
forever to be quiet until

Called upon in desperation
after the final slight
Breaking out of the silence
at last ready for a fight

Like an old friend's return
met with an open heart
old habits re established
as if never were apart

Always there for me
all I had to do was ask
She steps into the lead
her mind set on the task

She never takes blame
for what others lack
Move on out of the way
because the Bitch is back